-RECOGNIZE AND BREAK THE CYCLE-
Welcome!
With my blog Narcissus and Goldmund, I dedicate myself to understanding and raising awareness about narcissistic relationships.
Here, I share not only my personal experiences and research but also draw on the knowledge of experts and the stories of other survivors.
Narcissus and Goldmund is an attempt to document the journey through a narcissistic relationship.
This blog aims to help process and understand the challenges experienced.
Every victim of narcissistic abuse goes through the same phases: love-bombing, devaluation, discard, hope, endurance, and rumination.
While the circumstances of relationships may vary, every narcissistic relationship follows the same pattern, structure, and narcissistic language.
The articles in this blog are often inspired by the insights and extensive knowledge of experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Prof. Sam Vaknin.
Dr. Ramani sheds light on the dynamics and effects of narcissistic relationships with her clear and profound approach. Meanwhile, Prof. Sam Vaknin, a narcissist himself, explains the inner workings of narcissism and the role of the "false self."
Both perspectives are incorporated into the content of Narcissus and Goldmund, offering insights that help to better understand this complex topic.
"Recognizing the toxic relationship pattern
is the first step on the path to healing."
Narcissus and Goldmund is a call to step out of the fog of confusion and the wounds of a narcissistic relationship and to take the clear, courageous path to healing.
The pain experienced by victims is real—not a sign of weakness but a natural consequence of abuse rooted in manipulation, devaluation, and control. Many endure the same internal struggle: a desperate search for the answer the narcissistic person will never provide—Why?
The truth is that these patterns are systematic—they follow a script designed to exert control and power. Narcissistic individuals create chaos, leaving their victims lost within it.
The abuse in narcissistic relationships goes far beyond what is visible. These relationships pull victims into a labyrinth of guilt and self-doubt—a state that Sam Vaknin describes as an "emotional prison" deliberately constructed to maintain emotional dependency.
The Sufferers
There are no winners in a narcissistic relationship, only sufferers and victims.
The term "victim" may evoke ambivalent feelings, as it often carries connotations of passivity and powerlessness—traits that can be difficult to identify with.
However, it is crucial to call things by their name: What narcissistic individuals do to their partners is abuse.
Contrary to the widespread belief that narcissistic people have inflated self-esteem, the opposite is true.
Narcissistic people are also victims of their circumstances.
One of the main reasons for the development of narcissistic personality traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPS) is severe early childhood trauma.
This includes not only a lack of love, nurturing, and stable attachment to reliable caregivers, but often severe emotional injuries such as neglect or overvaluation, rejection, and physical or sexual abuse.
These experiences prevent the development of a healthy sense of self-worth, which in the long run can form the basis for narcissistic personality traits or NPS.
The widely accepted theory is that these children develop an idealized "false self" as a protective mechanism in their distress. This allows them to avoid emotional pain and gain approval and security.
The “false self” is like a protective shield that hides the deep feelings of insecurity and inadequacy caused by the traumatic experiences. It is their emotional survival tool, so to speak. It helps them to survive in an uncertain and often hostile environment by protecting their true, vulnerable identity, their “true self”.
"Abuse remains abuse, regardless of the abuser's past."
Despite understanding the origins of narcissism, this should not overshadow the fact that many highly narcissistic individuals cause significant emotional harm.
As is often the case, multiple truths can coexist:
I understand the origins of narcissism and regret that these wounds shaped this personality trait.
I write this blog as a survivor and dedicate Narcissus and Goldmund to raising awareness about narcissistic abuse.
Community
The path out begins with clarity: understanding the dynamics, naming the abuse, and freeing oneself from emotional control.
The dazzling illusion of the love-bombing phase, the cruel coldness of devaluation, and the emotional shock of discard—narcissistic relationships are built on castles in the air and shatter realities.
It was never your fault.
Healing is possible—through radical acceptance that the relationship with the narcissistic person will not change in the long term.
This means letting go of the illusion, confronting the wounds, and rediscovering your own truth.
Letting go of hope is a lonely process, but there is a community of people who have walked this path and continue to do so.
Many survivors struggle to put their experiences into words. It is essential to have a supportive and understanding environment to share experiences without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.
The severe impact of narcissistic relationships is often still misunderstood, and victims are frequently seen as complicit or even the cause of the problems in the relationship.
This is partly because the narcissistic person can control their behavior and continues to act charming and courteous outside their home—it is not the boss being yelled at but the partner.
When survivors are believed, and they recognize that others have had similar experiences, they feel less isolated and less crazy. Community offers not only comfort but also an opportunity for clarity.
Compassion and understanding for one another should serve as a catalyst for regaining clarity about one's reality.
They say it takes a village to raise a child.
Narcissistic individuals often lacked this village—and now it takes a supportive community for survivors to free themselves from these toxic relationships.
The progress in raising awareness about narcissistic abuse and its consequences is helping more and more survivors understand their experiences and receive proper help.
With Narcissus and Goldmund, I want to contribute my part to this effort.