ABOUT
I write this blog to come to terms with my own story.
Encounters with narcissistic individuals have deeply shaped my life and like many victims, I feel the need to understand why the dynamics of narcissistic relationships have impacted me so strongly and why it is so difficult to break free from them.
Narcissus und Goldmund serves as a tool for me to come to terms with my own story and is a crucial step towards regaining self-worth and inner strength.
The community of others who have been affected has provided me with support and helped me regain trust in my own perception.
The search for clarity and resonance is even greater because the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship are so subtle and difficult to grasp.
For outsiders, it is almost impossible to understand how disturbing a narcissistic relationship can be. Even the victims can struggle for a long time to find words for the horror they experience in these relationships.
A relationship with a narcissistic person is like a slowly unfolding poison. At first, everything feels perfect, almost too good to be true.
But gradually, manipulation, control, and emotional blackmail creep in.
Narcissistic individuals are masters at undermining others' self-esteem, isolating them, and making them feel worthless without the narcissistic person.
"I will get there. But right now I am here. And here is fine."
In these relationships, the victim is quickly conditioned to believe that their worth depends on the affection and acceptance of the narcissist.
Through constant devaluation and manipulation, the victim's voice becomes quieter, and self-worth diminishes.
Trust in one's own perception gradually fades and the victim adapts to the ever-changing demands of the narcissist and loses themselves in the process.
In a narcissistic relationship, it is not only the emotional abuse during the relationship that is profoundly taxing, but also leaving the relationship – a process made exceptionally challenging by the narcissist's manipulative and controlling tactics.
Grief
The end of a narcissistic relationship is a raw process of grief. Grief also means having been robbed of something. In a narcissistic relationship, we are robbed of many things. We are robbed of the person we thought we knew and loved. Sometimes, we lose friends and family, and our feelings, as well as our perceptions, are invalidated.
We are robbed of the relationship and the shared future that ultimately turned out to be an illusion. This leaves a deep void and an overwhelming sense of betrayal.
In narcissistic relationships, grief also encompasses the loss of one’s identity and trust in others.
This grief is real and unavoidable. Experiencing it is not an easy task, but it is necessary.
Despite the immense challenges, this journey also holds a valuable opportunity: the chance to get to know oneself better, become more resilient, and shift the focus from the external to the internal.
Narcissus and Goldmund is a part of my process of breaking free from emotional dependencies.
Writing helps me gain clarity—especially during times of Rumination and overthinking.
Through research and writing, I find myself reliving the different phases of the "relationship" and sometimes feeling very close to the narcissistic person again.
This can be painful and confusing but also reveals just how deep the emotional entanglements truly run.
Such feelings do not mean that I am moving backward. On the contrary, I see them as part of the detachment process: sorting through the chaos, naming the pain, and gradually freeing myself. Instead of reaching into emptiness, I am rewriting this chapter of my life—this time on my terms and with a happy ending.
he knows exactly ...
He knows exactly why you cry,
Why you’re silent, why you comply.
He knows exactly what makes you fall,
Yet it never will be his fault.
He knows exactly why you hope,
Drawn back by love’s initial glow.
He knows exactly what makes you fall,
Yet it never will be his fault.
He knows exactly how beautiful you are,
How smart, how strong, how worthy by far.
He knows exactly what makes you fall,
Yet it never will be his fault.
He knows exactly what screams within your soul,
Why longing tears roll down your front.
He knows exactly what makes you fall,
Yet it never will be his fault.
He knows exactly how to strip you bare,
To make you feel your worth’s not there.
He knows exactly what makes you fall,
Yet it never will be his fault.
And every plea, and every word,
Will be twisted until absurd.
He plays with you, distorts the air,
Until you’re trapped within despair.
Don’t beg, don’t reason, explaining your side,
He’ll never truly see past his own life.
Walk away, break free from pain,
For his heart bears no humane vein.
Take your courage, your heart, your soul,
And leave him be – for you to be whole.
– E.B. –